My worst fashion "Don't"

This is a piece I submitted to Glamor magazine for a contest. They had wanted women to write in and tell them about their worst fashion "don't", so I whipped this up. Every single word is true (anybody whose known me for longer than 5 min will know that without being told!)

My Worst Don't Day

Being a single parent lends itself to a plethora of Don't day possibilities. While I have a wide variety of such days to choose from, I think I achieved my personal best in the what was I thinking category about six months ago. My significant other and I had planned a romantic evening for ourselves, always a challenge for us, between his 2 jobs, my job, school, and raising a child. I had put my two year old to bed, and was happily anticipating a night of romance, (OK, let's be honest here, I was looking foreword to the hot monkey sex), when I realized that we were out of condoms. My son was still awake, so I thought I'm a modern, twenty first century, independent kinda gal, Ill just go buy the condoms myself, come home, shower, and get all girlie. So, I grabbed my boy, got in the car, and off to the grocery store we went.

I thought it would be nice to have some cold beer in the house for my hard working guy, so I put a six pack in the cart, along with the condoms. Then I caught a glimpse of myself in the door of the frozen food case.

There I was. Chipped toenail polish, Birkenstocks, unshaved legs, ratty cut offs, a ripped tee-shirt, pushing a cart containing my pajama clad toddler, booze and rubbers at 9p.m on a Thursday night. All I needed was a pair of Candies and some blue eye shadow, and Id be a white trash pin up. I started wracking my brain for a way to improve the spectacle that I was.

I thought if I put some other groceries in the cart, maybe it wouldn't look so bad. Produce, yeah, some carrots, cucumbers NO, NO, BAD IDEA! Did I need Hot Dogs? OH NO, EVEN WORSE! Suddenly the store seemed to be filled with nothing but phallic symbols, and I had to resign myself to the fact that there was no was to salvage this. I had no choice but to throw my shoulders back and marched bravely to the register.

As I plunked down the beer and condoms the cashier gave me a look like I'd just told her I sold kiddie porn over E-Bay. I did the only thing I could do. I looked her dead in the eye, pointed to the beer, and said; That's how I got the kid, those are so I don't get another. I grabbed my change before her chin hit the floor, and got the hell out of Dodge.
Needless to say, Ive never gone back to that store.

I can't imagine why they didn't publish this.