Friday, May 18, 2007

The Joys of Being a Bahama Mama


So, I got this great dress to wear for formal night on the cruise. It's FABULOUS, gold sequined, low back, plunging neckline, thigh high slit up the front, very J Lo at the Grammys. When I tried it on I thought "Oh, I'll just get one of those adhesive bras to give me a little lift in the boobage department". I mean, I've breastfed 2 kids, and lets just say the geography has shifted a little. I go online, order what I need, it comes today, and I think "Great! Now I can try on the whole outfit, and see how it looks, it'll be great"

Here's the problem... I'm a 36D. Not just a 36D, but, in the words of my OB/Gyn, I have very dense breast tissue, which is a nice way of saying that if you rolled one of my tits down a bowling alley, you'd get a strike, and probably knock a hole in the back wall. I don't know what fantasy I was living in thinking that the lingere equivilant of a post it note could hold one of my girls. The entire 3M corporation doesn't make enough adhesive to hold one of these puppies up!

Now don't get me wrong, I love my girls. They've nourished my children, filled out my sweaters, and gotten me more than a little male attention over the years. These tit's have power, and I respect the power of the tit. But once, just once, it would be nice to be able to go backless.

Oh well, I guess I'll go return the gown, and get a little cocktail dress, something short, that I can wear an over the shoulder boulder holder with. At least the breastfeeding and gravity didn't affect my legs!

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