Just Because They're Old, Doesn't Mean They're Sweet!

Just because they're old doesn't mean they're sweet!
Current mood: amused
Category: Life

My mother always says that just because you're old, you're not automatically sweet. She says that as you get older, you become more of what you already are, and after this weekend at work, I think she's right.

I had to break up an almost fist fight between 2 80+ year old women. The first lady is my favorite patient, a tough old broad who will cuss you out in a heartbeat. the second contender is another tough old broad with an equally filthy mouth, and a wheelchair. To clarify things, I'll call them Trouble, and Wheels.

It all started when Trouble came marching up to the nurses station, demanding that we call her "Sapsuckers" to come take her home. See, she's not crazy, and she ain't scared of LaDeDaDe No Freakin Body. Her children - AKA the sapsuckers - put her here so they could take her house, and she's gonna whup them good when she gets home.

Wheels was sitting at the station, watching this whole scene, and felt it was her civic duty to weigh in with her evaluation of Trouble's mental capacity. The exchange went something like this -

Wheels - You crazy old bitch, you shut your damn mouth.
Trouble - Who you calling old?
Wheels - You! I said it, you a crazy old bitch!
Trouble - You shut up you fucking heifer, I'll kick your ass!
Wheels - I'll kick your ass, crazy bitch!
Trouble - You're the crazy one, motherfucker, I'll kick your ass!
Wheels - I'll kick YOUR ass!

At this point I placed myself in the center of the fray and told both of them that nobody was kicking anybodys anything, and started escorting Trouble back down the hall. The whole time we're walking (at a snails pace, because, as Wheels so accurately stated, she's OLD), Trouble is muttering under her breath, "Crazy ass motherfucker, she better never hope I see her outside, I'll kick her ass, crazy ugly bitch, I didn't take no shit off my husband, I ain't taking none off her."

At this point I'm laughing so hard it's all I can do to keep from falling over! Trouble then tells me if she thought she could have gotten away with it she would have shot her husband in his sleep, but it's all good, because "That bastard is in the ground, and I'm still here!"

So, next time you see a little grey haired lady, don't think she's going to bake you cookies. She might just kick your ass.