Normal is overrated!

Lately I've been trying to find an autism support group, a way to connect to other mothers who are going through the same experiences as I am, and I have to say, it's been a thoroughly depressing experience. I checked out a couple of groups on Cafe Mom, and posted a few times, but I've decided against posting any more.

The general tone of the boards I've found has been so sad that it leaves me very upset. Raising a child with autusm is very challenging, but what I see from most of the people who post at these board is that they're so overwhealmed by the experience that it's robbed them of the ability to take any joy in their children. They don't seem to appreciate the uniqueness of the child they have, and all anyone seems to want to do is "cure" their kids, rather than accept them for who they are.

Don't get me wrong, I know full well that Wy's going to have a a tough time over the next few years. Kids can be incredibly cruel, particularly to anyone who is different, and if I could spare him that I would. But I don't want to "cure" him, because in doing so, I would change who he is, and who he is, is wonderful.

Wyatt's whole way of looking at the world is totally unique. He sees magic in things that the rest of us take for granted, and in doing so, he's taught me to see it too. The people who bring around the greatest change in the world are the ones who see it from a unique vantage point, and I believe that Wy is one of those people.

I was always a quirky kid, my train of thought had it's own set of tracks, which caused no end of frustration for my teachers when I was growing up. For years, I thought there was something wrong with me, that I was somehow less than the other kids because I didn't see things the way they did. My father told me once that I don't just think outside the box, I've never even seen the box. I could never quite get the hang of all the social "rules", the who to hang out with, what to say, what to wear guidelines that dominate in grade school and middle school. It wasn't until my late teen that I realized that the rules are bullshit, that being "normal" is boring, and that I am happier, and more at peace with myself when I follow my own path. Once I came to that realization, stopped giving a shit about what other people though, and became comfortable in my own skin, I started being accepted for who I am.

My oldest son went through a similar experience in school. It took him a long time to find friends, but once he did, they created their own crowd, and they're some of the coolest, most interesting kids I've ever met. They pride themselves on their uniqueness, they embrace being called weird, and they laugh at the other kids who spend so much time and energy trying to "fit in". They know who they are, and they're proud of it.

I don't ever want to push Wy into somebody elses mold. I never want to rob him of what is unique and special about him. I never want to look at him and think "why can't he act like the other kids?". I also never want him to think that way about himself. Yes, I want his behavior to be better controlled, I want him to learn to finish his schoolwork and keep his hands to himself, and not eat off other kids plates in the cafeteria. There are rules in life that he does have to learn to follow, and I want him to follow them. But I also want him to continue to find joy in the conveyer belt at the grocery store, to take pleasure in telling me what exit is coming up on the highway (and weather there are food lodgings or gas at the exit), and to get excited at bridges and sliding doors and elevators. I don't ever want him to supress some part of who he is because somebody else decided that's not normal.