Oh The Horror!

Have you ever had one of those potentially horribly embarrassing moments? Of course you have, you're human, we all have.

Well, I had one of those moments today, and since I'm all about the sharing, I thought I'd inflict it on you!

I'm taking Chemistry this semester, after having to drop it last semester because of the gall bladder surgery. I HATE chem with a passion, it intimidates me, which is silly, I know, but it does. So, today, we have our first test of the semester, and it's all conversions, which means it's all MATH.

I'm not bad at math, when I'm using it on a day to day basis, but sit me in front of a math test, and you might as well have given me a battery acid enema, because that's what math tests do to my colon.

So I'm sitting there, test in front of me, I've written all my conversion factors on the top of my paper, and it starts.
The rumbling.
The gurgling.
The bubbling.
The sense that my entire lower intestinal tract has turned to lighter fluid.

I sat there trying to work on my equations, and occasionally sneaking off a silent but deadly, but after about 5 min, I had no choice but to excuse myself to the ladies room.

I take the LOOOOOONG walk down the hall, butt cheeks clenched like I'm trying to crack a walnut with my sphincter, finally get into a stall, and prepare myself to release some negative energy, when I hear the bathroom door open.

Some poor unsuspecting girl had just walked headfirst into the toxic cloud escaping from my body. I'm sitting there, trying to hold back the inevitable, silently screaming "GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM BITCH!", when I hear her cell phone go off, and she anwers and starts talking! Then she opens her purse, and I can hear her futzing with her lipstick and whatever other junk she was packing. At that point I decided to let 'er rip.

Seriously, I'm in the bathroom for a reason, and it has nothing to do with vanity! I figure she's either going to make a hasty exit, or breath through her mouth.

Guess which one she chose.

That's right, she stayed, planning her social calender and fixing her face.

So now I've got a choice. I can either hide in shame in the stall, or I can buckle up my drawers, mosey on out of my own personal hazardous waste dump, and hold my head up high.

Guess which one I chose.

That's right, I sat there hiding until Miss Beauty Queen Barbie went on her merry way!

I hope the smell stuck to her clothes.